The teacher gave her fifth grade class an  assignment: get parents to tell a story with a moral at   the end...

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began  to tell their stories.  There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her  dismay, that only Ernie was left.

“Ernie, do you have a  story to share?”

“Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Lois.  She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to  bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of  whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.  She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break,  and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 of Saddam’s troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out  of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke,  and then she killed the last enemy soldier with her bare hands.”

“Good Heavens,” said the horrified teacher. “What did your daddy tell you was the  moral to this story?”

“'Stay the hell away from Aunt Lois when she's been drinking!”